Dave's crash course in the best books ever

1. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
   Dave's notes: Even ax murderers deserve the innocent love of a prostitute.
   Why it is great: Your main character is a rascal. You name him Raskolnikov. 'nuff said.
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: The first 40 or so pages are torture, but once you make it past the horse dream, you'll read to the end in one sitting.
   Why pick this over: Brothers Karamazov? C&P has fewer of the "middle names as first names without explanation" that tend to trip up first-time Russian lit readers.
   
2. Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace
   Dave's notes: Even the best tennis players have daddy issues.
   Why it is great: Suicide by microwave.
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: 1000 pages + 100 pages of footnotes; the ending is on page 10 but you don't figure this out till page 995; you don't like tennis; you don't like drugs; you don't like tennis on drugs; you want to be able to use a microwave ever again.
   Why pick this over: Anything else by DFW? He seems to have shot his novel-writing wad with this one and can only write magazine articles.
   
3. Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco
   Dave's notes: The Davinci Code written years earlier by someone who has heard of the words "plot" and "character development."
   Why it is great: Funny; historically inaccurate only on purpose; best computer-password-hacking scene ever
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: You'll stop every 5 pages and scream, "Why did I read that piece of crap by Dan Brown???"
   Why pick this over: The Name of the Rose? Don't. Read them both.
   
4. Microserfs by Douglas Coupland
   Dave's notes: Microsoft tester gets a life
   Why it is great: You had to be there
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: You weren't there
   Why pick this over: Generation X? By this time, the "slackers" in that book are easily in their 50s.
   
5. Mysterious Skin by Scott Heim
   Dave's notes: Don't play little league
   Why it is great: You know some of the characters personally, in real life
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: You know some of the characters personally, in real life
   Why pick this over: In Awe? Scott didn't credit me for the chapter title and concept of "The Suffering Box" ... and, well, if you do read it, you'll know why you shouldn't have (hint: toilet scene).
   
6. The Fermata by Nicholson Baker
   Dave's notes: "The Girl, the Gold Watch, and Everything" as porn.
   Why it is great: Most frivolous use of a super-power ever.
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: You'll have to admit, yep, that's pretty much what I'd do with it.
   Why pick this over: Vox? Same book, pretty much, except Fermata has time-stopping.
   
7. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
   Dave's notes: World War II was horrific. Hilarity ensues.
   Why it is great: It's the Great American Novel, so can't help but be great.
   Why you'll have a hard time with it: It probably inspired M*A*S*H, worst show ever.
   Why pick this over: Closing Time? The sequel to Catch-22 didn't need to be written.